Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
