Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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