my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
