She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
