I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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