Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
