I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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