I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
