Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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