the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
i came on her dog
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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