just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
