Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
