haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
