Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
