I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
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