So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize