The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And then my night got REAL pukey
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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