my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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