Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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