I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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