I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
