im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
