Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize