Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
