just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
