well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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