I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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