I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
