Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
