gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
