I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
