pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
