I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
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