Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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