Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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