my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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