I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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