Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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