Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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