i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
