After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
The best revenge is premature balding
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
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