I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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