What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
