I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
