I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
