I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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