I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
