its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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