All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
