when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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