I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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