I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
