From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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