You smell like a Billy Joel song
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
