Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
