So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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