Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I smell like Dick and happiness
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
