Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i wish my penis had a tongue
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
