I wannas sexs uuuuu
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Randomize