Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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