but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
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