his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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