And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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