Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize
