I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
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