Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
