She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
He passed out mid-signature
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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