i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
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How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm sobbing to NWA
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
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