508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think I am morally bankrupt
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Houston, we have a squirter
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
